For What It's Worth
by Cster
Summary: In which, Ciel and Sebastian must come to terms with some unexpected feelings as well as some unexpected challenges. Ciel is 18 in this fic. Elizabeth fans beware; she doesn't get much love here. I don't to give too much away but eventual yaoi. Is NOT a deathfic. That is all.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I'm not new to this fandom, but I'm new to writing for it! So please if anyone notices anything with the timeline off please let me know. I'm trying for IC, but since there's romance I believe OOC is inevitable. I did tweak Lizzie's character a bit, she is so forward for a reason it will play a role, promise. Please don't bitch about it, but if you would like to kindly correct me on other content that will be accepted wholeheartedly.

Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji aka Black Butler is the property of Yana Tobosa and is not nor will ever be my genius idea. I just borrow her lovely characters.

Ciel stretched his 5' 2" frame out across his bed, blinking away the sunlight streaming in his window. Once his eyes had focused, he sluggishly dragged himself out of bed.

Last night had been a rather late night and, judging by the fact his butler hadn't awakened him personally, he was downstairs still trying to set everything from the night before straight.

The blue haired boy yawned as he began dressing himself. He was now 18 years old and had matured pretty well in all areas, including his ability and willingness to dress himself. The only shortcoming, no pun intended, in his maturity he felt was his embarrassingly small stature. He had filled out slightly, but only weighed 108 pounds, not to even mention that he was now shorter than Lizzie. The thought itself was beyond humiliating.

He stifled another yawn as he splashed water on his face. The day before had been a long one filled with mounds of paperwork. It was that time of year again. The time where each company got its budget, new plans, and other business squared away, at least the successful ones did anyway. Among other correspondence and two important letters from The Queen, Ciel had stayed busy from sunup til sundown, only taking breaks for food and tea and only then when Sebastian insisted.

The Queen's first letter was basically a notice to keep a close lookout for a second letter. The second letter was what had contained the meat of the message so to speak. My dearest earl Ciel Phantomhive, I pray this letter finds you well. Strange murders have been occurring seaside in London. Much is being done to quell the presses in publicizing the information. Enclosed are photographs and text explaining why. These murders are not only quite gruesome as you will see yourself; it appears organs are being ripped by teeth from the bodies. My final instructions are relatively simple. Note I say simple and not easy. Discover who is doing this and punish them accordingly. See that no more of my citizens than the 15 who have already fallen victim to this monster are sacrificed.

Ciel still had not developed a stomach for gore and the mere sight of the photos caused bile to rise in his stomach and his heart to pound harshly. Sebastian had efficiently taken the letters and photos away, wisely not mentioning the earl's momentary weakness. He did however linger to ensure Ciel was merely shocked and wasn't at risk of a full blown panic attack.

As if that wasn't enough as it was, a knock sounded at the door at the unwelcome hour of 8:45. The unexpected and dare he say, unwanted, guest was none other than his fiancé Elizabeth Midford. Ciel did care about his cousin, but in a strictly platonic familial manner, not in a romantic fashion. Hell, not that he would admit it to anyone, but he had yet to feel romantically inclined to anyone. He was beginning to wonder if he was merely immune to that particular human emotion. The most he ever felt for another individual was deep peace, curiosity, comfort, and safety, er, he felt all of these things when he was in that individual's presence, but damn it all, he would not think about that now.

Sebastian answered the door and fully intended on sending the young lady away. After all, being one hell of a butler, his number one priority was his young master who very clearly could use an early bedtime. Lizzie unceremoniously pushed her way in and Sebastian, playing the role of the butler he was, could do nothing in propriety's realm to get rid of her now. Ciel, quickly realizing this fact, came from around the corner, trying not to look too exhausted. She squeezed him tightly to her now larger and more shapely bosom while Paula stood sheepish at her young ward's unladylike behavior.

"Ciel!" She shrieked for there was no other word for the sound that left her lips. "You do NOT look cute at all right now! Neither does your ruddy mansion! Paula do your best! We have to spruce things up for tomorrow is the special day!"

'Ciel tried and failed to hide his cringing and irriation, well at least from me anyway.' "My lady, of what are you speaking?" Though Sebastian knew full well the day, he and the young master were attempting to overlook was the very day she was trying to draw attention too.

She scoffed rather rudely. "Really?! Sebastian you are an awful butler if you really need to ask that question after being in service to my darling Ciel for, going on 7 years now!" She shouted again to emphasize her point.

She grabbed Ciel even tighter around the neck, effectively cutting off his airways and most of his circulation. "It's his birthday! Paula! I thought I told you to start decorating." Sebastian quickly extracted his young master from her clutches as his face was starting to turn blue. He coughed slightly, shooting Sebastian a rare grateful look. Sebastian smiled slightly back. A genuine smile, not one of his many fake ones he wore for the others. Lizzie rolled her eyes.

"Go away! You're not cute at all Sebastian!" The blonde girl couuldn't help thinking to herself. 'What is up with Sebastian's affectionate glances towards MY Ciel?!'

"Elizabeth, could we do this some other time? I have had a long busy day and would really like-"

She cut him off with a wave of the hand. "Nonsense! You have skipped far too many of your birthdays as it is and this one will be the best."

Surprisingly, Paul had decorated the mansion at an inhuman speed and was now sitting on the floor exhausted. Sebastian resisted the urge to bodily throw Lizzie out as well as burn all the decorations in effigy. The nerve of her speaking that way to young master and treating him in such a way. Could she not see he was exhausted? Pink did not suit the manor whatsoever. Streamers fell from the ceiling in waves and who knew where she had put the portraits of Phantomhives of old. As long as she didn't try and remove Ciel's family ring…

Ciel blinked and sat in a chair, his lids drooping though he was trying to will them not to.

It was now well past midnight. "We will see you tomorrow evening. Good day my lady." Sebastian quickly ushered them out now with the excuse of it being such an inappropriate hour for Lady Elizabeth to be there, even in her more advanced age, at the house of her betrothed.

"Young master, I" Sebastian had been planning to apologize for not getting rid of her sooner, but Ciel was dozing on the chair. The sight drew his attention completely. He gently scooped Ciel's petite body into his arms and laid him in his quarters, pulling the cover over him. The young earl stirred slightly in his sleep unconsciously grabbing Sebastian's sleeve to keep him from leaving.

Sebastian sighed, but decided taking down all the decorations could wait until tomorrow. He turned his head to look at Ciel who was fast asleep but facing him. He resisted the urge to stroke his face. Ciel Phantomhive had always been attractive, but now he was devastatingly beautiful even by Sebastian's standards.

Being a demon, Sebastian had seen much in his ridiculously long lifetime. He had had many sexual partners, many contracts, and deceived many humans and demons alike. However, none drew his attention and kept it like Ciel Phantomhive. He was easily the demon's longest and favorite contract. The boy stirred slightly, looking as if he were having a nightmare.

Without a second thought, Sebastian wrapped his strong arms around Ciel pulling him close to his chest. The boy instantly stilled, breathing more evenly. Sebastian closed his own eyes, allowing himself the rare luxury of sleep.

Sebastian would be lying if he was to say he only comforted the boy or stayed with him because of the contract. It would be a grave lie indeed.


	2. Chapter 2

Sebastian was surely out of Ciel's bed by the time Ciel awoke the next morning, for that would have been inappropriate by almost any standard. It would surely ruin his butler's aesthetics of being one hell of a butler. Plus, there was much work to be done that morning not including removing Elizabeth's awful choice in decorations. Today was bochan's birthday and though the day had a reputation for generally being always less than pleasant, he would be more damned than he already was if he would allow it to be more ruined by Elizabeth.

Sebastian began removing decorations soundlessly around 4:30, finding it almost impossible to leave his young master's presence, however, with work to be done, it was no real choice.

Ciel rolled over in bed at Sebastian's quiet pleas for him to wake up. "Young master, your breakfast will consist of strawberry crepes complemented by Earl Grey tea. Enjoy sir."

Ciel would have rolled his eyes had he been more alert. 'The formality was hardly necessary at this point.' He decided to voice this thought. "Sebastian, your formality is unnecessary. I think we are past the point of putting up appearances, especially when you and I are the only ones present, don't you think?"

'What the hell?' Why would I ask his bloody opinion? I forget our stations and that is inexcusable for someone of my caliber.

Sebastian looked slightly surprised, but nodded curtly.

"What is my schedule today?" Ciel pressed, all business as usual.

"I have cleared your schedule of everything for the day. Elizabeth will be the only guest to show up today around 7PM. It is up to you whether you wish to entertain her or dismiss her. You may reply to the Queen at your leisure as long as it is within the next week."

Ciel quirked a dark eyebrow at this statement. "And why is that exactly?"

Sebastian smirked as a look of pure joy ever how slight it was glossed over Ciel's face after tasting the crepe. "I guessed you would prefer not to be bothered with actual guests on this day of all days. I informed the Queen that you were away on urgent business."

Ciel nodded with an almost undetectable to any other than Sebastian smile. "Your work is deeply appreciated. Permit Elizabeth to arrive, however, I may dismiss her pending on my mood later on."

Sebastian grinned and moved to leave the room.

"Sebastian," Ciel called out.

"Yes, young master."

"Nevermind, go attend to your business."

Sebastian left wordlessly as Ciel finished his breakfast with his thoughts swirling.

It was no damn secret. The earl of Phantomhive, contrary to popular belief, did have feelings thank you very much. Just not towards Elizabeth Midford. In fact, his depth of feelings other than familial obligations and keeping up appearances were only directed towards one certain individual. And he would be beside himself were these feelings which he wasn't even certain how to describe them were found out by said individual.

Ciel mentally made a list of what he knew. He knew when in the presence of Lizzie he did not feel nervous, his heart did not quicken, and he had to focus deeply to keep conversation going. In short, he had no particular desire to be around here, to interact with her, and most definitely not to romance her. Ciel shied away from romantic thoughts and feelings for the most part. After all, being crudely used, abused, and molested by the scourge of the underworld caused him to think of touching even in the most innocent sense as a vile sort of thing.

Other than the rare toleration of hugs by Elizabeth, the only person allowed to touch him was Sebastian.

He also knew, come to think of it, that his interactions with his butler, Sebastian were indeed quite different. Conversation came easily to the two. Though one was a demon and the other a human, it seemed they were on similar intellectual levels and could discuss matters from business to life with ease. He often felt nervous in his butler's presence, but strangely at peace at the same time. Also, though he had not and did not plan to admit it to a soul, demon or otherwise, his heart pounded at a rather unhealthy pace on not so rare occasions when in close proximity to Sebastian. When Sebastian dressed him, bathed him, or even looked at him a certain way, Ciel found it rather hard to breathe, but not in an entirely displeasureable way.

Though Ciel still had no desire to romance Sebastian, after all, he was still adverse to touch in general and knew Sebastian ultimately only desired to do whatever would make Ciel's soul most pleasing to him. As adverse as he was to the former, he couldn't help wondering. He was also curious. How would he respond if Sebastian were to touch him gently and not out of necessity? How would it feel wrapped tightly in Sebastian's strong embrace? How would Sebastian's perfectly formed lips feel pressed against his own?

Ciel shook his head as he dressed himself, readying himself for the remainder of the day and Elizabeth's arrival. It did no one any good to dwell on things, especially when they were as futile as him fighting his own demise.

A/N: So thoughts? Critiques? Compliments? Yeah, anything you have to say is welcome.


	3. Chapter 3

Sebastian performed his duties perfectly while his thoughts strayed to other matters. When Ciel smiled, even if only for a split second, it had done something to him. He had, dare he say it, felt something. Something he had not felt in forever or at least since he was human which was so many years ago he had all but forgotten how feeling anything other than anger or malice felt. Though he had been told otherwise by fellow demons, he had grown to doubt a demon could feel anything but the darker emotions. Sebastian's heart had thudded quickly and he had felt a warmth inside unlike any other. Upon deep introspection which had taken the greater part of undecorating the entire mansion and fixing the grounds which Finny had been indisposed to do after thoroughly botching trimming the hedges earlier, he deduced the emotion to be happiness. Damn it all. He was…happy when Ciel smiled, especially when he knew it was because of something he had done or made in this case.

Sebastian sat down in his quarters once his work was complete, head in his hands at the irony. A demon, a high ranked one such as himself, happy when the human whose soul he was meant to devour, smiled. Sebastian decided he wished to see this look upon the young master's face more often and longer than just a fleeting moment. He knew it was wrong, but as long as Ciel didn't know what he was doing, maybe it would do the earl some good as well. He had clearly been stressed lately and could use a break.

Ciel did some paperwork in his study and requested he not be disturbed until Elizabeth's arrival. Sebastian's annoyance at the request was thoroughly masked. In the meantime, he cooked an 18 layered German style chocolate cake which he knew Ciel secretly adored. 'This is sure to make the young master happy.'

Elizabeth had arrived around 5:30, well before her stated time. Ciel sighed at the knock on his study door, assuming she had arrived early. He was correct in his assumptions for he was met with the sight of both a slightly miffed Sebastian and an ecstatic Elizabeth who jumped upon him squeezing his neck and upper body far too tightly. When she finally released him, Ciel formed words. "It's good to see you too, Elizabeth."

She pouted childishly and scoffed. "How many times do I have to tell you?! Call me Lizzie. Anyway, when are the other guests arriving? There is no one here yet, but your bothersome servants and stuffy butler." She shot said butler a disparaging look as if to say 'leave you are unneeded' but this wasn't her choice so he merely steeled an impassive look upon his features and made no move to go anywhere.

"My Lord has opted not to have multiple guests attend tonight. Maybe the two of you can do some activity together instead."

"What?! No party? But it's your birthday Ciel!" Lizzie all but screamed at him. "You have to smile and at least pretend to be happy."

'What an insensitive human.' Sebastian tried not to obviously grit his teeth. She was well aware of the significance of this date to him, yet she insisted on forcing him not to allow the day to pass without mention. She really was insufferable.

Ciel faked a happy look. "No matter! What would you like to do Elizabeth?"

The obviously fake smile caused Sebastian almost physical pain. His master deserved to be genuinely happy and actually smile, not to be forced into pretending.

"Well, since today isn't too cold, why don't we go out on the boat tonight?" She batted her eyes at Ciel.

"Young master?"

"That's fine, Sebastian, prepare the boat for the three of us." Ciel commanded.

Lizzie sniffed as she directed her attention to Ciel but her words were clearly directed at Sebastian. "I would prefer if we could go alone. It would be more romantic after all you are 18 today." She ran a hand along Ciel's face while he visibly stiffened and Sebastian did as well though no one noticed.

'I go nowhere without Sebastian and she bloody knows that! But I should acquiesce if for no other reason to keep up appearances.'

"Very well."

The boat was prepared and Lizzie was seated readily on board. Sebastian leaned down to whisper something in his master's ear. "Only call for me and I will come."

Ciel nodded whispering back. "Tell me something I don't know."

"Be careful, bochan." Sebastian said before drawing away.

'What?' This was different. He sat with Elizabeth sending her yet another fake smile. Sebastian never expressed true concern. Was this a ploy? Or did he know of his secret feelings? This day couldn't get any worse.

The man rowing the boat silently began rowing them out in the middle of the lake. Lizzie leaned against Ciel. "Isn't this simply perfect? So romantic! Plus, no servants to bother us."

"It is, isn't it." Ciel said but it was more of a statement than a question and lacked the appropriate feeling.

Lizzie drew away from Ciel after a few minutes. "Okay, cut the shit. Who is she?"

Ciel looked back at his blonde cousin thoroughly confused. "What are you talking about?"

She spat her next words, hardly caring what some commoner rower thought of her. "The girl who is really occupying your thoughts. Admit it, you could care less about me. I just want to know who she is so I can tell her to back off or else. You're my fiancé and no one, regardless of station can change that."

Ciel laughed mirthlessly. "There is no girl. I'm simply trying to be the person you want me to be."

Tears sprang to her eyes. "So you admit it? You just don't love me? Ciel how could you?"

He shook his head, trying to be sympathetic. "It's not you Eliz-Lizzie. I'll be as honest with you as I can. After what I lived through, I find it hard to care about anyone in that way. I do care about you as family, but romantically I cannot live up to your expectations." Before she could butt in he finished compassionately.

"But I can assure you, that unless fate intervenes, I will marry you and you will want for nothing. I will also refrain from interfering with any personal business you have so that at least one of us can be truly happy."

She stared at him angrily despite his attempts at kindness.

Ciel was clearly sorry, the emotion was obvious not just in his dark blue eye but in his expression and body language as well. "I'm sorry, Lizzie. I wish things had been different, but what has been lost cannot be regained."

Elizabeth was beyond the point of thinking rationally now. "Damn you Ciel! I hate you!" She screamed at him.

The rower looked embarrassed and continued at his task, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible. 'Why do I have this job again? Nobles are freaking crazy.'

Ciel stood up. "Just try and understand. Maybe if things were different."

She shook her head standing up as well. "Shut the fuck up! Just shut up! I don't want to hear another word come out of your mouth. I hate you." With that final statement she shoved him roughly in the chest, forgetting they were out on a boat in the middle of a lake in late December.

Ciel lost his balance and fell into the icy lake water.

Lizzie pulled at her hair in anger, but then realized what she had done. "Ciel! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Where'd you go?!"

The rower and she were now staring desperately into the night trying to see him in the darkened waters.

Ciel was under the icy water trying to keep breathing. He had learned how to swim, but admittedly wasn't very strong and with the current tonight it would have hardly mattered. He realized he couldn't resurface. This was the end. 'I'm sorry mother, father, Aunt Ann. I wasn't able to avenge you. I wasn't able to exact my revenge. Sebastian, I was so close to feeling something for you I hate I couldn't tell you. I-" And all thoughts were gone.

Sebastian was there in seconds once he felt Ciel's distress. 'I knew it! I knew something bad would happen. I shouldn't have allowed him to go.' When he got to the boat, Lizzie was in tears and the rowman looked panicked. "He's under the water he is. We can't find him."

Wordlessly, Sebastian plunged under the water. He couldn't feel Ciel through the contract and that thought alone made his heart race. Finally, he saw the boy, floating lifelessly under the freezing water. He grabbed him and resurfaced without another moment to spare.

"Ciel!" Lizzie screamed.

Sebastian laid Ciel on the boat's floor carefully, then pressed his ear to his chest. 'No heartbeat and he's not breathing. That much is obvious. This isn't good.'

He began trying to resuscitate Ciel. He pressed on his chest firmly but he didn't have to look to notice his hands were shaking. He then brought his lips to Ciel's and breathed air into the unconscious boy's body.

'Still nothing. Not even after these attempts.' Sebastian knew he shouldn't. He should just let the boy go, his soul would still have delicious flavor and one couldn't fault him for it wasn't his fault the contract would end prematurely.

'No. I won't let him die. I don't want him to die. I don't want Ciel to die.' The thought scared Sebastian as much as his next action. He breathed into Ciel again, but this time using some of his demonic energy, not caring what Elizabeth or the rower saw at this point. All he cared about now was Ciel. Ciel sat up and coughed copious amounts of water up. His face unhealthily pale as he wheezed weakly. "Sebastian?"

"Don't speak, young master. I must return him home to keep him from catching cold. Lady Elizabeth, we have something to discuss back at the mansion."

And the butler was gone.

The rowman was positively creeped out. "How did that guy leave so fast? For that matter how did he even get here?"

Elizabeth wiped her eyes not justifying his reasonable questions with a response. 'He knows. I don't know how but he knows exactly what happened. I could tell by those devilish red eyes.'

Elizabeth's eyes widened and she was truly frightened. 'Sebastian has brown eyes.' She kept thinking to herself, but tonight they sure as hell weren't. They were red, like a demon's. But is that even possible? She shuddered now and it wasn't from the cold.

While Sebastian ran with Ciel cradled in his arms, he laid a hand against the smaller boy's chest so he could feel his heartbeat. What he had done tonight had been risky. Ciel seemed to be fine, just freezing cold and exhausted for he didn't stir during his bath or while being tucked in. However, as he turned to leave, the contract on his hand pulsed. Ciel appeared to be asleep still, but apparently he had summoned him while in his dream. 'Sebastian, stay with me.' It seemed to stay. Sebastian touched his shoulder gently sending him his response. 'I have business to attend to but I will be back shortly, bochan.'

Sebastian walked out to confront Elizabeth. 'It will surely be an exercise in self control not to tear her limb from limb.'

A/N: So what do you all think?


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